It's really hard sometimes.
Hard to be a Christian in this world. I remember when it was hardest for me...college. I had been well discipled during my high school days...knew the Bible pretty well...knew how to have a quiet time, spend time with the Lord...had surrounded myself with friends who, for the most part, encouraged my walk with Christ instead of trying to derail it. But then I went to college.
Now...I always blame my parents' divorce for my walk of darkness during those days. And I still do, to some extent. The carpet had been ripped out from under me a few years before and I had this inexplicable urge and desperation to find love and acceptance. But also it was the first time that my faith was being challenged. From all angles I was pressed, "Why would you believe that?" Professors, friends, co-workers would look on me with such dismissive arrogance...like I was an imbecile. The other factor was that college life was really fun... and really wild. Everywhere around me people were having the time of their life...partying, making out (that's what we called "hooking up" back then...but it didn't necessarily include sex), getting drunk etc... So I dipped my toes into it...sometimes that toe-dip took me waist deep.
I told myself I could go to parties...even drink a little...even kiss a few guys a little...and I really wouldn't be doing anything wrong. And really...maybe I wasn't doing anything really wrong. But I began this tightrope walk of trying to be a follower of Christ...I still really loved Him, even in all the questioning and ridicule....and trying to have a little bit of "fun".
And what I found was utter and complete emptiness. I found that everything the world was offering and working double time to lure me into...was totally empty. There was no peace, there was no love, there was no purpose in life. Just dark emptiness.
The only joy or peace or love I found in those days was when I would get on my bike with my Bible in my backpack and go to the cliffs of Del Playa in Santa Barbara, near my home in Isla Vista...climb the fence that forbade anyone on the cliff...and sit with Jesus. I'll never forget staring at the immense ocean...wild and powerful, yet spectacularly peaceful...how the waves would roll in...roll out...with such precision and mighty repetition..."I am still in control" He would say to me. The sky was always colorful...pinks, reds, oranges, purples...swirling, glowing..."I really really love you." I would hear from Him. Never any "How could you?" or "What were you thinking"...just..."Baby...you are mine and I love you. I know there are so many things you've been hearing. But you just hold on to what I have told you." And I would weep.
By His grace I was able to leave that time and place with no permanent damage done...able to step back into a life that was on His path...with people, once again, who would love and encourage...not tempt, tease, and lead me astray. Also by His grace I actually had a roommate that told me that I had brought her back to the Lord. Only Jesus could do something like that...through my pathetic witness at the time, actually woo another soul to Himself...He's so amazing!
Looking back...here's what I've learned. The world is out to kill and destroy...mock and ridicule our faith. It's just a fact. And the walk that Jesus asks of us is really not so hard and boring. Yeah...he tells us not to get drunk, not give our bodies to anyone to whom we haven't yet made marriage vows, to not gossip and tear down, but build up others, to not dabble in the dark things of this world.
But here's the radiant truth. He tells us this because His way is so much better...more fulfilling, more life giving, full of more love and joy and peace...and the purpose He gives us is our "truest self" purpose...it's what we were made for. He makes us our best selves...most fulfilling selves. We have true fulfillment only in Him on His path. It's just. a. fact. And the joy and peace and love that we have daily...oh how glorious. Are there hard days? Of course. But as believers we have the Spirit of the Living God actually living in us...did you catch that? Living in us. He is available every second...to come, fill, guide, pour out love...and He does! He really really does! He is definitely a gentleman about it...doesn't barge His way in. But as we call...seek...He comes. And oh the fulfillment He brings.
I feel bad for kids today. It's exponentially harder to walk that fine line today than it was back in my day. The internet, the sex (with all it's variations), the continued drinking (some things never change). And for Christian kids...it's brutal. How do you have any friends at school when you don't look anything like the others? I know of many Christian kids who have had many lonely high school nights...left out...cuz they just don't fit in.
Or they do fit in...which is even scarier. How many Christian kids today are getting too close to that nasty little fine line, tripping and flying over it? They call themselves Christians...are members of Christian clubs...but on the weekends they are doing all the deeds of darkness that their non-believing friends are doing.
It does real damage. Not only to themselves...but to the body of Christ.
It's hard. I get it. You want to fit in. You want to have fun. But I think what these kids haven't figured out is that only Christ's path works.
Here's the message: Christ loves you, wants and has the best for you, and His way is the only way to life. It doesn't mean there won't be hard days...months...even years. There will be. But in Him is the only way to find life...purpose...joy and peace...and the love love love we all long for. He has it. He longs to pour it out on us if we would just open our arms to it.
Don't get too close to that line...it's really more like a cliff...on the one side is life abundant...on the other...is just emptiness and darkness. Stay on the plane of grace and goodness and life that He has for you. It's the only safe place to be.
